So I’ve received a bunch of emails lately asking for more stories. Well things have been good with my girlfriend so I haven’t had to sleep on the couch! But to fill the demand I thought I’d tell an older story. It was a couple years ago and the first time I remember sleeping on the couch…

A mutual friend of ours was having a big birthday party. It was late in the night and everyone there was pretty drunk. My girlfriend was talking with one group of friends and I was with another. I have no idea what the topic of their conversation was but out of the blue I hear…

*SLAP*

Jack: “What the fuck!?!”

Someone random: “Dude your girlfriend just slapped Jack!”

‘Oh shit…’ I think to myself. I walk over to see what’s going on and see my girlfriend sporting a bright red face and steam spewing from her ears.

Girlfriend: “Jack called me a whore!”

Me: “Wait, what? Why? What’s going on here?”

Jack: “Dude, she said she’d sleep with a guy for a million dollars!”

Me: “Oh, well ya I think that qualifies you as a whore…”

*SLAP*

I immediately got five across the face from my girlfriend. Stunned and unsure about what just happened, I stood there and watched my girlfriend storm off. We lived a couple blocks away so I knew she was heading home. Before I left to make an attempt at mending the situation, I wanted to get other people’s side of story to figure out what really went down, and of course finish my beer. Now one should normally get mad at someone for calling their girlfriend a whore, but she really set herself up and for that I had to side with Jack. Not to mention the fact that I was pretty pissed off she would sleep with a guy for a million dollars.

I headed back home to find all the lights out. When I got to the bedroom I found my pillow sitting out at the base of the door. ‘What the fuck is this?’. I continued to the door but it was locked! I knocked and got no response; I continued knocking for 10 minutes and attempted an apology through the door but again I got no response. I finally gave up and passed out on the couch…

A fan of the site emailed this story in.

Oh the mall. What a great place to check out beautiful women… Unless you already have one.

So there I was, spending the day at the mall with my girlfriend. After a grueling four hours of shopping and sniffing perfumes she was finally hungry; so we headed to the food court to order some Chinese food. As my girlfriend was deciding upon orange chicken or BBQ chicken, a smokin’ hot girl jumped in line next to us. Obviously I thought I was Mr. Cool, and decided it was a perfect opportunity to sneak a peak. Bad move! Right then my girlfriend turned to get my opinion on what she should get. Of course she didn’t say anything at first, but her facial expression made it obvious that she was pissed.

In complete silence we walked and grabbed a table. In an attempt to get her to forget about my wandering eyes, I started talking about the clothes she had purchased; but she didn’t take the bait. Finally, she dropped the bomb; “SO! Do you think she’s cute?” “Oh not at all,” I quickly responded. She saw right through the bullshit and got ready to break out the boxing gloves! Clearly craving attention, she stood up and yelled “You are such a pig!” As I watched in slow motion, she cocked back with her drink in her hand. I tried to move out of the way but it was a direct hit, exploding on my chest. The entire food court fell silent and looked in our direction. I sat there for a second and watched my girlfriend storm off.

While cleaning up in the bathroom it hit me, ‘Shit! She drove us here!’ I ran out to the parking lot in time to see her driving away. I stood there for a bit and thought about what had happened, I remembered the girl in line and headed back in to try to get her number.

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