Chubby.
Who would have thought being “chubby” was such a bad thing?
We were out shopping today; well my girlfriend was doing the shopping I was just along for the ride. A friend’s wedding was coming up so she was trying to find a new dress. We all know how they love to get our opinion on these things even though they never really listen to it.
We had been to a few stores already and she had tried on dress after dress. She finally found one that she really liked but complained about it making her look fat. By this time I was completely zoned out reading the news on my blackberry and not really paying attention.
Here is the Play By Play Action:
Girlfriend: “This dress makes me look fat”
Me: “No it doesn’t”
Girlfriend: “It makes me look fat because I am FAT”
Me: “You aren’t fat and you look good in the dress”
Girlfriend: “If I’m not fat then what is this?!” ( Grabbing her hips )
Me: “You are just a little chubby don’t worry about it”
Right after I said it I immediately realized the trouble I was going to be in.
I look up to see her storming back into the dressing room. She quickly changed back into her clothes. I mean it was quick, like in the cartoons where a character walks in a room closes the door and reopens it wearing something completely different.
Without a word she storms out of the store, I looked around and noticed a customer who witnessed the whole thing. She shook her head and walked away. I decided it was time to leave.
I walked to my car knowing she would be there. Yup, called it, standing at the passenger door, arms crossed looking in the other direction. When I unlocked the car she climbed in but continued to look away. The whole car ride not a single word was said. I figured I’d try to let her calm down before I attempt an apology.
When we get home she quickly walks ahead of me and into the house. I walk in and hear the bedroom door slam shut. I head to the bedroom but find the door locked. I gave her a sweet and thoughtful apology that I had been working on while driving home. I hear the door unlock and think to myself “Sweet! That was easy!”. She quickly opens the door, throws me a pillow, slams and locks the door while she yells “You’re sleeping on the couch tonight!”.
So here I am on the couch, I can’t believe how a simple comment landed me here.
So here is my question.
Why do Women ask questions they already know the answer to?
April 28th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Hi,
I’m a woman, but I don’t know if most women will share my perspective.
I think people usually ask their partners about how they look in order to be validated or to have their ego boosted.
On the other hand, I usually want a relatively kind, sympathetic and honest response to my questions. I am (like many people?) a little sensitive, so I rarely ask questions that I don’t need an honest response to. Still, when I’m in a relationship, I try to think fast to avoid telling even small lies while also not hurting my man’s feelings. Tricky. I have often failed at this, but I try to keep it all in perspective and to apologize sooner rather than later.
April 28th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
hey,
as above ^^^ !! if i looked bad in something i would want to know about it, i wouldnt want you to let me buy the dress!! but there are ways of saying stuff, and i know men sometimes just respond ( like, even if i said it - its not ok for you to say it lol) but sometimes you just have to think out a good answer before saying the 1st thing you think of because your bored of looking for dresses, but there is nothing really wrong with what you said - i have just come out a long relationship, and i do remember incidents like these lol its kinda funny from the outside but i completely understand how she felt and i can now see it from your point of view too!!
April 28th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I like to believe I’ve become a bit wiser in my many years on this earth. No matter what you say to that question..it won’t be the RIGHT answer. So, since you are going to get in trouble anyway, just tell the truth. Seems like a dick move..but damn, I’ve said alll the good thing I can think of..and still got the 3rd degree. One day, she asked/fished for a compliment; “Do these jeans make me look fat?” I said. “Yes.”
I got slapped..and felt GREAT! Guess how many times she’s asked since? Yep, ZERO!
As far as the whole sleeping on the couch thing..as long as I’m payin the bills, I’m sleepin in my own bed..tell her a** to sleep on the couch.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
I’m a pretty insecure woman. I myself am not fat, but I know I’m chubby. I’m certainly not retarded or ridiculous enough to ask a question knowing that the true answer is something I don’t want to hear. As a woman I have a tendency to give my man enough shit for lying that I’m pretty f-ing certain that if I asked him if I look chubby in something he’d say yes becaues he doesn’t want to get busted for lying. If you can’t be secure enough with the fact that a man actually loves you enough to go shopping with you (because we all know that no man wants to wait outside a dressing room) that he doesn’t give a damn if you’re a little heavy. Don’t be stupid. You know you’re heavy. If you don’t like it eat less and go to the gym. If you’re like me (lazy) then just find a man that like a larger than average woman and be happy with him. Don’t ask him a question and freak out like he just took a shit on your new carpet or something because he gives you an honest answer. That’s dumb. It’s also shallow. You can’t have it both ways. He’s either going to be honest or he’s not.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Have you tried spanking her when she behaves like this? I’m serious. One person in a relationship has to be the adult, and it doesn’t seem like she is volunteering. [ *** Edited For Explicit Content *** ] She’ll never admit it, but she’s going to be grateful that you stepped up to your duties as a man and set clear boundaries with her.
Editor’s Note: This website does not support domestic abuse of any kind but does value everyone’s opinion.
April 29th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I used to be the kind of guy who would play along with the whole stupid game in relationships, the one’s that require that we str8 men dumb ourselves down and walk on eggshells in situations like these.
If it were her best friend, a girlfriend, or one of her gay-boi friends, she’d want to know the truth and expect the truth, but from the boyfriends they all want fairytale crap and dishonesty. If you’re an insecure woman, than do things that make you less insecure, like working out and keeping fit. If you honestly have no idea if you’re fat, then you’re a child.
I’m just really tired of nice str8 men being emasculated these days. Gay guys and chicks can still be involved in sugar relationships, happily demanding to leach off of their partners, but a man is not a man if he can’t support himself. The double standard is there, but str8 guys are asked to behave like Everybody Loves Raymond, kinda dumb, kinda clueless, forgetting stuff, saying things just to say things rather than being honest, but being the provider nonetheless.
No more.
You have nothing to apologize for. This is 2008, not the 1950’s ladies. If you’re self-esteem needs a boost, do something about it on your own, because you secretly know what you like and don’t like about yourself and what you should do to change things.
April 30th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
It’s the oldest female trick in the book. You either tell her the truth and say what you did…with dire consequences, or lie your butt off for brownie points. I personally don’t have such a HUGE problem with my self esteem that I would have to do that to a guy. I take my fella shopping with me a lot. He has great taste in what works for me, sometimes better than I do. All women are not created equal, but blessed are the ones who don’t need their ego stroked all of the time either.
April 30th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
You know this make’s me laugh. I do feel for you guys .. myself being large fat, chubby, what ever you want to call it .. It is what it is ..
If you don’t want to know the truth then don’t ask.. I LEARNED THAT ALONG TIME AGO..
And as for you silly ole boy’s men , glentlemen be alittle easy on the ladies we tend to cry easy I sometimes thing our bladder our near our eyeballs (wink) .,,,
May 3rd, 2008 at 6:14 am
all of those gilrs that say they wouldn’t be mad-lied.
that’s just how we are-i can’t even explain it but it’s true
May 13th, 2008 at 5:13 am
okay i am a woman and this story pissed me off and not because i think the girl was right.
he said she was chubby he did not call her a sea cow. no women are just dumb. and i am a woman saying this . we trick guys into these situations by putting them in akward spots. he tries to lie to us to boost our ego but do we let him no we keep on fighting him. soon enough he gives up the fight and does not complient us. it does not give us the right to kick him out of bed. and then we have the nerve to stay mad for days !
my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years and yes we fight but at the end of the day no matter what is said he is still in the bed .we have a theroy of not going to bed mad . women need to let go of their bags of tricks looking for any reason to fight its just dumb.
grrrr i think a man has the right to say what he thinks with out the consequences. lord know i do.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:26 am
I think the proper thing to say should have been something constructive rather than critical, and “chubby” is critical in any woman’s eyes.
“You aren’t fat and you look good in the dress” should have been replaced by something slightly more truthful, but gentle, and hinting at the possibility of improving oneself. “It looks great, but it would look even better if we worked off a little of this (touches hips) at the gym.” An alternative would be (and this is if the dress truly makes the girlfriend look fat) “I don’t think this style suits you” (bonus points for the fashion advice!)
May 20th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Here’s the correct answer to, “Does this make me look fat?”
“Honey, that outfit just doesn’t flatter your figure the way it should.”
This way, you are making an intelligent response. Blame the clothes, not her figure. Then, the next time your in the hardware store with her, pick up a hammer, hold it close to your waist and ask her, “Honey, does this hammer make me look fat?” Assuming, she has a sense of humor. Good Luck!
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